It is weird to read my correspondences from the late August/early September period, being the time of transition between my old function in life to my new one. I am surprised at how much my attitudes have changed. Gone is the brutal, doctrinaire self-reliance, absurd sense of commitment and childish anxiety. These have been replaced by a more casual, comfortable, competent approach and a realisation that solitary ambitions (that is, ambitions focusing solely around personal achievement in specific areas, or status in general) are not all that sustainable and often bear little relation to the nuances of reality. In short, I feel more human and have never been more certain as to the general pointlessness of existence (something from which I draw only strength).
Most of this change actually came about during the recent exam season. One always goes in with the expectation, or indeed assumption, that with enough hard work and clarity of thought the learning materials can be mastered, even in the short space of time provided. I won't find out the results till the 20th July. In the end, everything ends up a messy scrap. One can not master the equivalent of three university modules' worth of material in six weeks - one simply has to hope that one has done enough to pass.
Another realisation (albeit one which came to fruition in January) is that one can not simply live life as a series of journies from one node of contentness and certainty to another, whatever these nodes may be. You must have the self-discipline to enjoy the journey itself. And it does take self-discipline. Any fool can fret and worry or give way to superstition. I use the term superstition in the broadest sense - trying to detect patterns in reality where there are none and forming false expectations of destiny as a result. It's familar but true - there are only so many months we have, and a month fretting is a month altogether wasted.
Success is not over-rated, and I think the thing I am doing at the moment is very much the right thing. What I do post-qualification is anybody's guess, but the rigid reliance on 'ambition' and 'hard work' as a means of personal salvation has run its course. I think one may be perfectly 'succesful' without set aims or goals simply by doing whatever it is in front of you well. But, generally, I have no idea what to do. I have never had any strong ambitions, only affectations - and I am beginning to think that the aforementioned reliance on ambition and hard work was in itself little more than an affectation, albeit one which was more practically benefitial than others.
Sometimes I wonder why I write this at all. It's all perfectly obvious.
Meanwhile I am enjoying the fruits of an 8-and-a-half day holiday. Tomorrow I am back to work, if only for one day before the weekend starts. Thus I will have had a week of Sundays followed by a Friday!
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Saturday, 12 May 2012
Brighton
Am back in Brighton. I do tend to come back around once per month. Nothing ever seems to change here, which frankly I find more frustrating than reassuring, but it is good to see the family now and then.
My last visit was three weeks ago, but though I was here I saw nothing of Brighton itself, busy as I was doing pre-reading for my exams, not leaving the house. Thirteen days I have been back at college now, having completed the Financial Accounting and Audit & Assurance tuition and halfway through Taxation.
They are a mixed bunch of papers. A&A is nice in so far as it is essentially what I actually do day to day, and nothing in the (surprisingly short) syllabus is at all alien to me, although like all essay-based exams the subtleties of 'answering the question' become as important as the knowledge itself. FA is a bit more mechancial and will, in essence, be more about bashing out pro-formas than thinking too critically. Tax, so far, I have enjoyed, and whilst the syllabus is huge the questions themselves are more like mathematical puzzles than essaylus or tables. I do feel most at home in Tax too.
The exams themselves are in four weeks time although in practice I want to have some sort of mastery by this time next week as I shall be taking three mocks in three days come Monday 21st.
As for the rest of my life... that concept does not really matter. I still sometimes labour under the misapprehension that everybody out there (including fellow ACA's) live their life on a subtle, down-to-earth plane than I do and that almost every goal I have is intensely self-absorbed and has pretty much no impact or benefit on the thing that perhaps most of all conspires towards happiness - meaningful and honest conversations and friendships with other humans.
That said, I intend to smash these exams.
My last visit was three weeks ago, but though I was here I saw nothing of Brighton itself, busy as I was doing pre-reading for my exams, not leaving the house. Thirteen days I have been back at college now, having completed the Financial Accounting and Audit & Assurance tuition and halfway through Taxation.
They are a mixed bunch of papers. A&A is nice in so far as it is essentially what I actually do day to day, and nothing in the (surprisingly short) syllabus is at all alien to me, although like all essay-based exams the subtleties of 'answering the question' become as important as the knowledge itself. FA is a bit more mechancial and will, in essence, be more about bashing out pro-formas than thinking too critically. Tax, so far, I have enjoyed, and whilst the syllabus is huge the questions themselves are more like mathematical puzzles than essaylus or tables. I do feel most at home in Tax too.
The exams themselves are in four weeks time although in practice I want to have some sort of mastery by this time next week as I shall be taking three mocks in three days come Monday 21st.
As for the rest of my life... that concept does not really matter. I still sometimes labour under the misapprehension that everybody out there (including fellow ACA's) live their life on a subtle, down-to-earth plane than I do and that almost every goal I have is intensely self-absorbed and has pretty much no impact or benefit on the thing that perhaps most of all conspires towards happiness - meaningful and honest conversations and friendships with other humans.
That said, I intend to smash these exams.
Monday, 9 April 2012
Updates
I don't think it's a coincidence that this blog materialized shortly after leaving one institution (University) and withered away shortly before joining another (Audit Firm). Now that I have a daily function I feel more at ease with life and thus less compelled to write, as well as the obvious fact that I don't have as much spare time as before and have a greater taste for 'doing things' i.e. I would rather blog in person, as it were, through conversation and the suchlike.
But tonight I do have a time. I have just enjoyed my first full week's holiday since starting my employment and do not believe I have packed so much genuine fun into such a short space of time in a while. The last four nights were spent in Manchester with 'that lot' (my Warwick non-housemate friends) for a classic long-weekend of scriptwriting, eating, playing boardgames and the occasional physical activity (in this case 'urban cricket') from which I returned today.
Seven months (nearly) have passed and I have completed my induction training, six exams and a busy season (to name but the highlights). This time last year was pretty much the low-point of applications, and it is satisfying to see how far I have come in a year.
But I do not know what to expect really over the next six months. Well, I know what to *literally* expect: six more exams, a couple more clients, a few more weeks of holiday (I have about three of'em saved up!). The one thing I've realised is that the intensity and difficulty of the actual work varies quite a bit. January was a 'character builder', February a sort of flourishing and March... I was pretty exhausted by March, as we all were. But I do think though that even the busiest part of busy season was far less intense than study was, or will be.
At least study has the benefit of beign compartmentalized. You know exactly what the 'nature of the beast is' - you just need to study very hard to slay said beast. In audits you can be doing different things from one day to the next and do not get the satisfying 'pass or fail' all-or-nothing drama of exams, and seldom the same sense of urgency.
The next six papers are 2.5 hour written affairs and legitimately difficult and I want to perform unambigiously brilliantly in them, and I believe I have every chance of doing so. I am sufficiently bright, enjoy studying and still have a chip on my shoulder about being lazy at school and university giving me a petty desire to 'prove myself'. Furthermore, I think I more than anyone else in my intake is willing to make myself a hermit for six weeks. Better yet, I shall have the opportunity to do this twice, once for the June papers and once for the September papers!
But tonight I do have a time. I have just enjoyed my first full week's holiday since starting my employment and do not believe I have packed so much genuine fun into such a short space of time in a while. The last four nights were spent in Manchester with 'that lot' (my Warwick non-housemate friends) for a classic long-weekend of scriptwriting, eating, playing boardgames and the occasional physical activity (in this case 'urban cricket') from which I returned today.
Seven months (nearly) have passed and I have completed my induction training, six exams and a busy season (to name but the highlights). This time last year was pretty much the low-point of applications, and it is satisfying to see how far I have come in a year.
But I do not know what to expect really over the next six months. Well, I know what to *literally* expect: six more exams, a couple more clients, a few more weeks of holiday (I have about three of'em saved up!). The one thing I've realised is that the intensity and difficulty of the actual work varies quite a bit. January was a 'character builder', February a sort of flourishing and March... I was pretty exhausted by March, as we all were. But I do think though that even the busiest part of busy season was far less intense than study was, or will be.
At least study has the benefit of beign compartmentalized. You know exactly what the 'nature of the beast is' - you just need to study very hard to slay said beast. In audits you can be doing different things from one day to the next and do not get the satisfying 'pass or fail' all-or-nothing drama of exams, and seldom the same sense of urgency.
The next six papers are 2.5 hour written affairs and legitimately difficult and I want to perform unambigiously brilliantly in them, and I believe I have every chance of doing so. I am sufficiently bright, enjoy studying and still have a chip on my shoulder about being lazy at school and university giving me a petty desire to 'prove myself'. Furthermore, I think I more than anyone else in my intake is willing to make myself a hermit for six weeks. Better yet, I shall have the opportunity to do this twice, once for the June papers and once for the September papers!
Tuesday, 2 August 2011
Hand History - Part 15: The Final Shove
Well it looks like I won't have much time for poker over the next three years. Or neccessarily that much money either. I've done the calculations and whilst I won't be living light and will no doubt have enough for some sort of leisure, I don't want to factor poker in to my estimates. For a start it would be a bit lame. And in any case I should like to begin saving, saving in such a way that each year can see a sort of incremental increase in prosperity until such time as I end up marrying and buying a semi-detached in Acton or something.
It even looks unlikely that I'll have a Vic session prior to my September start, although I would like to see the place again before too long. The last time I was there was in Janaury pretty much the weekend before applications started. And it's well over two years since I first set foot in there as can be read about in my previous Hand History.
Well now it is time to bring the story to a close. I don't pretend this to be an easy task: the gap between April 2009 and now has been a long one and there have been fewer great easily memorable 'set pieces'. But I shall do my best to relate them now.
The days immediately following the Vic session were pretty low. I did not feel that I had been through some odd rite of passage. I actually felt genuinely foolish. However the loss had no immediate financial effect and in no way impacted on my ability for study, which is infact usually strengthened in times of misery. Two days after my Vic session I was in a cardroom once more for the UKSPC in Birmingham. I was genuinly excited about the event but was playing pretty recklessly and was out before the dinner break. I decided my dignity was worth more than a free meal so rather than hanging around for the buffet I went home under the full veil of glumness.
There were no more major events during this period (up till the end of exams and after). I remember one May afternoon (self designated-day off) I pretty much sat downstairs in my dressing gown playing tournaments on full tilt, making a loss of about $50 which in my dense mental state seemed like a 'fucking waste' rather than a legitimate investment. Generally speaking if you're still in your dressing gown by mid-afternoon and have not washed it's hard to have a healthy mindset about anything. I also won Pokersoc a second time (post-exams) although it was only for a £100 prize. That plus a visit or two to Stanleys (or Noobleys or Stanjokes as we have alternatively called it) and the occasional home game (including an 8-man £20 tourney). DKSOP still existed but was neither as intense nor as regular as it had been in previous years- credit the fact that third year work actually meant something beyond simply copying and pasting! That and the fact that our second year poker-protaganist (always the first to suggest a trip to the casino or to double the stakes) had long left us.
In June there was also the pokersoc final HORSE and NLHE deepstacks, both of which I enjoyed but neither of which I cashed in. I recall the very last poker games I played at uni being as followes: a fancy dress NLHE tourney at Pokersoc (I came as Phil Hellmuth but busted v. early on) and a three-way £1/£2 mixed game with Goblin and the Conjurer. The pokersoc game was rather offputting: when you see four maths/physics/computer science students/graduands jumping up and down to some music drunk on lager in the Ramphal Building you sort of lose respect for the majesty of the institution (Pokersoc). I feelings when I first entered Pokersoc 33 months earlier were a mixture of florrid confusion and reverence. Gone were the heavy smoking pro's of 2006 (a high proprotion of whom were humanties students). In were the geeks. It isn't gangsters who give poker a bad name these days, it's the misplaced-testostrone bermuda shorts striped shirt BSc's with no discernable interests outside drinking, mathematics, gambling and pornography pay-sites.
Not that I was too different back in July 2009 anyway. From a period stretching July to November (excluding October when I was in Peru) I did get to know the evening tournament schedule on Pokerstars fairly well, and valued having spare evenings in which to grind. To be honest this was one of the most unproductive periods of my life but then... 'life'? I had not decided yet what I wished to do with it anyway, and I had the luxury of time.
One of the features of this period was the WkdSOP, an online series set up by a uni player from the year below and co-managed by me. Aptly enough he came first and I came second. But I didn't really enjoy it. I got easily and quite intensely frustrated at losing to these pokersoc people.
In early September Goblin and the Conjurer came down briefely for another Brighton rack. There were no huge cashes and we lost quite a bit of money. It wasn't even that fun either - when you have two gamblers and it's going badly it's easy enough to cope with. But in a group of three it's easier to get cantankerous, and the idea that you should be doing something better with your time becomes more infectious.
In late September (just before Peru) I had two significant poker experiences. One was live cash at the Vic: Goblin and I had a split going. I finished up quite a bit, but he finished down by a greater amount. So overall we were down quite a bit (no specifc numbers here!) but it was good to play sensibly at the Vic in contrast to my previous attendance. A few days later I scored just under $1,000 in a $5 turbo on Stars. If there had ever been a time for me to consider playing with a serious bankroll, this was it. I had nearly $1300, and ample cushion for comfortable 25NL play, $11 MTTs and $16 STTs, presuming I was EV+ at all three. But I had this little holiday to Peru coming up, so I pretty much withdrew most of it and, ironically, exchanged it for dollars (this being the peg-currency of the Pervuain New Sol).
It was after Peru that I decidedly started playing less poker. I was still interested in it and still drooled over live/online series scehdules but... I wasn't really playing. The long sessions and frequent nights of online tournaments never really returned. It was more sporadic. In early November I did sort of set off on a $25NL grinding project but I stopped that after about a week, and never again was there the same sort of 'project-based' approach to poker. I wanted poker to fit in with other aspects of my life, not the other way around, and I was more interested in the quality of the games I played rather than the frequency.
So it was, that in January I had a trip to the Midlands. It was mainly to visit friends but I also planned to play some poker. Not that the two are incomptabible. The Pokersoc (at least those from the year below) were still about and a home game was organized (5p/10p, deep stacks and a lot of pizza and lager). Goblin lived up in Nottingham, so we went a few nights to DTD. I love DTD even though I've never actually won anything there* and it's odd to think that, though I haven't been there for ages I still remember it extremely clearly.
*Actually I did win something there, just not a tournament: I managed to triple my £40 stack in a 50/1 game after flopping a low flush.
The next major poker session was in early April. I had gone to Goblin's house in Surrey. The election had just been called and it was an exciting time, although frankly I was in the grips of hypochondria (when one worry is over a new one quickly fills the void) something which I snapped out of by the summer when my life became more interesting. Still, this was one of the best poker sessions ('racks') we'd ever had. Despite there being very little in the way of cardrooms nearby (we mainly played online) we were only 40 minutes from Waterloo (I say only...). We were both now enthusiasts for the Vic (Victhusiasts) and I proposed the idea of an all-night session there. After all it was already early evening and if we wanted to go there, we'd better do it properly. So we did. After dinner we sat down at around 9 and weren't out till dawn (which at that time was around 5am). We took a morning tube service to Waterloo and then the early train to Hampton Court. Oddly enough I can't actually remember the result of that session, but it was a great experience. On the final night of the rack we managed to get in the top 1% of the Sunday Quarter Million (as it was then - I don't actually know what it is now) but that only fetched us a couple of hundred, enough to cover earlier losses, I dare say.
On my return to Brighton there came what can probably be called the very last thing even resembling a poker 'project', an attempt to grind up a little money (c. $120 on my Stars account) multitabling $3.25 45 seaters. I don't think I played more than 20 or so of these in the end. Over the next few months I playing activity basically came to nil.
It wasn't until late June when I came to the Midlands again (and what a bittersweet trip that was!) that I was back to the card table. There was the Pokersoc annual deepstack. I was disappointed by the pokersoccers amongst me - I began to realise I no longer had anything in common with any of them (if ever I had). In the second leg of my Midlands trip (early July) I was at Nottingham again and played what to date has been my highest-buyin tourney, a £168 monthly special at DTD. I actually made it a few hours in but no cash.
From July to January I hardly played any poker at all. This is essentially because I was trying to sort out my life which, piece by piece, I did. However, I didn't have any particularly strong desire to play poker either, certainly not online. The only sort of poker which did interest me was live cash at the Vic, where I had a session in early December with Goblin.
At the end of January I had my final Vic session. It was a 1/1 allnighter with Goblin and was the first time I'd gone to the Vic with anything resembling a proper roll for the occasion. We did well and had a great time too, leaving the cardroom around 10 or 11 hours after our arrival. My experience inspired me to reread Harrington on Cash but all that enthusiasm came to and end very quickly. I think I had known at the time that that Vic session would be the last for a while. We all need inspiration from time to time, and much came to me in the late January/early February period. My friends were going places, my London Lust was never stronger, I had nothing else on the horizon and I had sorted out everything else in my life. All I needed now was a good graduate scheme in an accountancy firm. This would keep me away from the poker rooms right up until July (although I had my offer in June).
I still played a bit of poker during applications season but it was minor online stuff. Friend-from-uni set up another mini-series in March using Pokerstars homegames (excellent innovation). I only played a few events but soon stopped in favour of interview preperation. On 6th April (two days before my Big Four interview telephone interview) I remember seeing myself registered for the tourneys thinking to myself "why on earth am I playing a poker tourney tonight? I have an interview in two mornings' time. What makes me so special!"
I made myself lots of promises about things I'd enjoy post-applications season. Whilst I had banned myself from live poker during applications season, it was not specifically one of the things I looked forward to as a motivator. I had always supposed that I would have one live tournament session (which I did in July) and one Vic Session (which I may yet do this month) but nothing more extravagent than that. I think it's fair to say that I'm no longer really a poker player like I was at university. I have my own interests and an ambitions now which have nothing to do with poker. Sure, having a good salary will no doubt make it easier to play any big tourneys I might one day be interested in (liferoll permitting) but this is no longer something which dominates my thoughts. And if ever I needed confirmation that having poker as your main hobby essentially destroys your social life and (to some extent) self-worth, I saw it at the UKIPT, sitting with the grinders
As the title suggests this shall be the last hand history. If I have any more significant poker episodes during the lifetime of this blog I shall post them. But I'm not planning to rebuy anytime soon.
It even looks unlikely that I'll have a Vic session prior to my September start, although I would like to see the place again before too long. The last time I was there was in Janaury pretty much the weekend before applications started. And it's well over two years since I first set foot in there as can be read about in my previous Hand History.
Well now it is time to bring the story to a close. I don't pretend this to be an easy task: the gap between April 2009 and now has been a long one and there have been fewer great easily memorable 'set pieces'. But I shall do my best to relate them now.
The days immediately following the Vic session were pretty low. I did not feel that I had been through some odd rite of passage. I actually felt genuinely foolish. However the loss had no immediate financial effect and in no way impacted on my ability for study, which is infact usually strengthened in times of misery. Two days after my Vic session I was in a cardroom once more for the UKSPC in Birmingham. I was genuinly excited about the event but was playing pretty recklessly and was out before the dinner break. I decided my dignity was worth more than a free meal so rather than hanging around for the buffet I went home under the full veil of glumness.
There were no more major events during this period (up till the end of exams and after). I remember one May afternoon (self designated-day off) I pretty much sat downstairs in my dressing gown playing tournaments on full tilt, making a loss of about $50 which in my dense mental state seemed like a 'fucking waste' rather than a legitimate investment. Generally speaking if you're still in your dressing gown by mid-afternoon and have not washed it's hard to have a healthy mindset about anything. I also won Pokersoc a second time (post-exams) although it was only for a £100 prize. That plus a visit or two to Stanleys (or Noobleys or Stanjokes as we have alternatively called it) and the occasional home game (including an 8-man £20 tourney). DKSOP still existed but was neither as intense nor as regular as it had been in previous years- credit the fact that third year work actually meant something beyond simply copying and pasting! That and the fact that our second year poker-protaganist (always the first to suggest a trip to the casino or to double the stakes) had long left us.
In June there was also the pokersoc final HORSE and NLHE deepstacks, both of which I enjoyed but neither of which I cashed in. I recall the very last poker games I played at uni being as followes: a fancy dress NLHE tourney at Pokersoc (I came as Phil Hellmuth but busted v. early on) and a three-way £1/£2 mixed game with Goblin and the Conjurer. The pokersoc game was rather offputting: when you see four maths/physics/computer science students/graduands jumping up and down to some music drunk on lager in the Ramphal Building you sort of lose respect for the majesty of the institution (Pokersoc). I feelings when I first entered Pokersoc 33 months earlier were a mixture of florrid confusion and reverence. Gone were the heavy smoking pro's of 2006 (a high proprotion of whom were humanties students). In were the geeks. It isn't gangsters who give poker a bad name these days, it's the misplaced-testostrone bermuda shorts striped shirt BSc's with no discernable interests outside drinking, mathematics, gambling and pornography pay-sites.
Not that I was too different back in July 2009 anyway. From a period stretching July to November (excluding October when I was in Peru) I did get to know the evening tournament schedule on Pokerstars fairly well, and valued having spare evenings in which to grind. To be honest this was one of the most unproductive periods of my life but then... 'life'? I had not decided yet what I wished to do with it anyway, and I had the luxury of time.
One of the features of this period was the WkdSOP, an online series set up by a uni player from the year below and co-managed by me. Aptly enough he came first and I came second. But I didn't really enjoy it. I got easily and quite intensely frustrated at losing to these pokersoc people.
In early September Goblin and the Conjurer came down briefely for another Brighton rack. There were no huge cashes and we lost quite a bit of money. It wasn't even that fun either - when you have two gamblers and it's going badly it's easy enough to cope with. But in a group of three it's easier to get cantankerous, and the idea that you should be doing something better with your time becomes more infectious.
In late September (just before Peru) I had two significant poker experiences. One was live cash at the Vic: Goblin and I had a split going. I finished up quite a bit, but he finished down by a greater amount. So overall we were down quite a bit (no specifc numbers here!) but it was good to play sensibly at the Vic in contrast to my previous attendance. A few days later I scored just under $1,000 in a $5 turbo on Stars. If there had ever been a time for me to consider playing with a serious bankroll, this was it. I had nearly $1300, and ample cushion for comfortable 25NL play, $11 MTTs and $16 STTs, presuming I was EV+ at all three. But I had this little holiday to Peru coming up, so I pretty much withdrew most of it and, ironically, exchanged it for dollars (this being the peg-currency of the Pervuain New Sol).
It was after Peru that I decidedly started playing less poker. I was still interested in it and still drooled over live/online series scehdules but... I wasn't really playing. The long sessions and frequent nights of online tournaments never really returned. It was more sporadic. In early November I did sort of set off on a $25NL grinding project but I stopped that after about a week, and never again was there the same sort of 'project-based' approach to poker. I wanted poker to fit in with other aspects of my life, not the other way around, and I was more interested in the quality of the games I played rather than the frequency.
So it was, that in January I had a trip to the Midlands. It was mainly to visit friends but I also planned to play some poker. Not that the two are incomptabible. The Pokersoc (at least those from the year below) were still about and a home game was organized (5p/10p, deep stacks and a lot of pizza and lager). Goblin lived up in Nottingham, so we went a few nights to DTD. I love DTD even though I've never actually won anything there* and it's odd to think that, though I haven't been there for ages I still remember it extremely clearly.
*Actually I did win something there, just not a tournament: I managed to triple my £40 stack in a 50/1 game after flopping a low flush.
The next major poker session was in early April. I had gone to Goblin's house in Surrey. The election had just been called and it was an exciting time, although frankly I was in the grips of hypochondria (when one worry is over a new one quickly fills the void) something which I snapped out of by the summer when my life became more interesting. Still, this was one of the best poker sessions ('racks') we'd ever had. Despite there being very little in the way of cardrooms nearby (we mainly played online) we were only 40 minutes from Waterloo (I say only...). We were both now enthusiasts for the Vic (Victhusiasts) and I proposed the idea of an all-night session there. After all it was already early evening and if we wanted to go there, we'd better do it properly. So we did. After dinner we sat down at around 9 and weren't out till dawn (which at that time was around 5am). We took a morning tube service to Waterloo and then the early train to Hampton Court. Oddly enough I can't actually remember the result of that session, but it was a great experience. On the final night of the rack we managed to get in the top 1% of the Sunday Quarter Million (as it was then - I don't actually know what it is now) but that only fetched us a couple of hundred, enough to cover earlier losses, I dare say.
On my return to Brighton there came what can probably be called the very last thing even resembling a poker 'project', an attempt to grind up a little money (c. $120 on my Stars account) multitabling $3.25 45 seaters. I don't think I played more than 20 or so of these in the end. Over the next few months I playing activity basically came to nil.
It wasn't until late June when I came to the Midlands again (and what a bittersweet trip that was!) that I was back to the card table. There was the Pokersoc annual deepstack. I was disappointed by the pokersoccers amongst me - I began to realise I no longer had anything in common with any of them (if ever I had). In the second leg of my Midlands trip (early July) I was at Nottingham again and played what to date has been my highest-buyin tourney, a £168 monthly special at DTD. I actually made it a few hours in but no cash.
From July to January I hardly played any poker at all. This is essentially because I was trying to sort out my life which, piece by piece, I did. However, I didn't have any particularly strong desire to play poker either, certainly not online. The only sort of poker which did interest me was live cash at the Vic, where I had a session in early December with Goblin.
At the end of January I had my final Vic session. It was a 1/1 allnighter with Goblin and was the first time I'd gone to the Vic with anything resembling a proper roll for the occasion. We did well and had a great time too, leaving the cardroom around 10 or 11 hours after our arrival. My experience inspired me to reread Harrington on Cash but all that enthusiasm came to and end very quickly. I think I had known at the time that that Vic session would be the last for a while. We all need inspiration from time to time, and much came to me in the late January/early February period. My friends were going places, my London Lust was never stronger, I had nothing else on the horizon and I had sorted out everything else in my life. All I needed now was a good graduate scheme in an accountancy firm. This would keep me away from the poker rooms right up until July (although I had my offer in June).
I still played a bit of poker during applications season but it was minor online stuff. Friend-from-uni set up another mini-series in March using Pokerstars homegames (excellent innovation). I only played a few events but soon stopped in favour of interview preperation. On 6th April (two days before my Big Four interview telephone interview) I remember seeing myself registered for the tourneys thinking to myself "why on earth am I playing a poker tourney tonight? I have an interview in two mornings' time. What makes me so special!"
I made myself lots of promises about things I'd enjoy post-applications season. Whilst I had banned myself from live poker during applications season, it was not specifically one of the things I looked forward to as a motivator. I had always supposed that I would have one live tournament session (which I did in July) and one Vic Session (which I may yet do this month) but nothing more extravagent than that. I think it's fair to say that I'm no longer really a poker player like I was at university. I have my own interests and an ambitions now which have nothing to do with poker. Sure, having a good salary will no doubt make it easier to play any big tourneys I might one day be interested in (liferoll permitting) but this is no longer something which dominates my thoughts. And if ever I needed confirmation that having poker as your main hobby essentially destroys your social life and (to some extent) self-worth, I saw it at the UKIPT, sitting with the grinders
As the title suggests this shall be the last hand history. If I have any more significant poker episodes during the lifetime of this blog I shall post them. But I'm not planning to rebuy anytime soon.
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Updates
Pretty busy 20 days or so. Two weeks ago Goblin came down for a spot of poker. We played the £5 rebuy at the Grosvenor, a £110 6-max side event at the UKIPT and a £50 second chance at the Rendezvous as well as a bit of online. Over all we were up by just about enough to cover meals and (his) transport expenses. A lot of fun too. I did find the UKIPT a little depressing though - most of the people seemed to be classic travelling semi-pros with little to say. If ever I needed reinforcement of the idea that poker is in many respects a tepid, low-testostrone scared-of-the-outside-world pastime then here it was. The Rendezvous was quite fun though. Still, it's the last tournament poker I expect to be playing for many months now, certainly before September. I may have a quick Vic session in August but that's only if I have a spare few hundred pounds or so.
This most recent week I was in Paris for four nights to spend some time with a cousin who happened to be there. Pretty fun time - the group of us (4) saw the Eiffel Tower, Montmartre, Disneyland, Versailles and the Seine. As with poker I doubt I'll be having an adventure like this again any time soon. From now on it's all the practical stuff of moving house and settling into a new job.
Indeed I have my first houseviewings tomorrow. I really am going to move out as soon as possible. The push and pull factors are both strong and in are in perfect balance. Life awaits me!
This most recent week I was in Paris for four nights to spend some time with a cousin who happened to be there. Pretty fun time - the group of us (4) saw the Eiffel Tower, Montmartre, Disneyland, Versailles and the Seine. As with poker I doubt I'll be having an adventure like this again any time soon. From now on it's all the practical stuff of moving house and settling into a new job.
Indeed I have my first houseviewings tomorrow. I really am going to move out as soon as possible. The push and pull factors are both strong and in are in perfect balance. Life awaits me!
Monday, 4 July 2011
Sunday Lunch - The Lion and Lobster
Date: 3rd July 2011
Location: The Lion and Lobster, 24 Sillwood Street (south off Western Road)
Price Range: £8.95 (all roasts)*
Drinks available: Selection of ales
Despite the name, there is no possibility of either roast lion or lobster. That said, the range of roasts is for from disappointing: Lamb, Beef, Chicken, Pork Belly, Nut Roast. What's more, you can have half of one meat and half of another. All meats come with potato and vegetables, but you can purchase extra sides too, namely yorkshire pudding, stuffing, angels & devils on horseback and cauliflower cheese.
I went for beef and pork and found myself served very quickly, and with none of the microwave steam of my Shakespeare's Head visit. I was in a bit of a haze so I have forgotten what the vegetables were. There were roast potatoes, of course, but also delicate things like celariac mash (or it might have been sweet potato mash) - unfortunately I forget the rest. The pork belly was great and the crackling as hard as a slate of toffee. The beef was normal. It was clear that the ingredients and cooking methods were of high quality here, but somehow this did not translate directly into taste. It wasn't exciting.
Nevertheless it's something I'd come back for. For a start, the option to mix two roasts in one dish appeals to me greatly and allows me to try meats I wouldn't choose to have by themselves. Also the place has a friendly atmosphere. That they were showing the exciting Wimbledon men's final on television was a bonus. Furthermore, I'd also be inclined to return here on non-roast days to sample their general menu. Plus the dessert (sticky toffee pudding) was good.
It seems only fitting that finding one pub which has many of the benefits of another but a lower price should skew the star-rating of the former in favour of the latter. Neither the Good Companions nor the Lion and Lobster are culninarily compelling but I suspect there a 'fair chance' that I would return to both. However I should make the distinction that the Lion and Lobster is probably better as part of a group (as I was in yesterday) whereas the Good Companions is more condusive to dining alone and reading a newspaper.
I suspect next week I shall try somewhere like The Prestonville and perhaps the week after The Crescent.
Updated star ratings:
Lion and Lobster:
Good Companions:
*65p is added for any credit card transaction, so arm yourselves with cash!
Location: The Lion and Lobster, 24 Sillwood Street (south off Western Road)
Price Range: £8.95 (all roasts)*
Drinks available: Selection of ales
Despite the name, there is no possibility of either roast lion or lobster. That said, the range of roasts is for from disappointing: Lamb, Beef, Chicken, Pork Belly, Nut Roast. What's more, you can have half of one meat and half of another. All meats come with potato and vegetables, but you can purchase extra sides too, namely yorkshire pudding, stuffing, angels & devils on horseback and cauliflower cheese.
I went for beef and pork and found myself served very quickly, and with none of the microwave steam of my Shakespeare's Head visit. I was in a bit of a haze so I have forgotten what the vegetables were. There were roast potatoes, of course, but also delicate things like celariac mash (or it might have been sweet potato mash) - unfortunately I forget the rest. The pork belly was great and the crackling as hard as a slate of toffee. The beef was normal. It was clear that the ingredients and cooking methods were of high quality here, but somehow this did not translate directly into taste. It wasn't exciting.
Nevertheless it's something I'd come back for. For a start, the option to mix two roasts in one dish appeals to me greatly and allows me to try meats I wouldn't choose to have by themselves. Also the place has a friendly atmosphere. That they were showing the exciting Wimbledon men's final on television was a bonus. Furthermore, I'd also be inclined to return here on non-roast days to sample their general menu. Plus the dessert (sticky toffee pudding) was good.
It seems only fitting that finding one pub which has many of the benefits of another but a lower price should skew the star-rating of the former in favour of the latter. Neither the Good Companions nor the Lion and Lobster are culninarily compelling but I suspect there a 'fair chance' that I would return to both. However I should make the distinction that the Lion and Lobster is probably better as part of a group (as I was in yesterday) whereas the Good Companions is more condusive to dining alone and reading a newspaper.
I suspect next week I shall try somewhere like The Prestonville and perhaps the week after The Crescent.
Updated star ratings:
Lion and Lobster:
Good Companions:
*65p is added for any credit card transaction, so arm yourselves with cash!
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
Sunday Lunch - Shakespeare's Head
Date: 26th June 2011
Location: Shakespeare's Head, 1 Chatham Place
Price range: £9
Drinks available: Small selection of high-quality ales (Badger brewery).
The Shakespeare's Head specialises in sausages. Alas, the cookery skills required for a good sausage meal are not the same as those for a good roast.
The selection of roasts was similar to that of the Good Companions, although instead of Turkey they offered Chicken. I ordered the beef. After a decent wait (I was not the only customer) my plate came.
Let us start with the vegetables, for that is where I started. Uncompelling, wet. The meat was much the same, and everything had steam rising from it as if (as indeed may have been the case) it had come straight out of the microwave. The potatoes were satisfactory. The whole meal would have been a lot better if had been set in a hot bath of gravy. But the only moisture was meltwater. This was little better than school dinners. I would even go so far as to compare it to Gekko, that almost incomparably bad all-purpose buffet (unless your purpose is to 'have a good meal') that since my visit in March has actually closed down.
There was also a cheese and cauliflower side and a yorkshire pudding on the side, neither of which I have anything bad to say about. However, they only seemed good in comparison to the rest of the dish, a relieving break I could occasionally turn my knife and fork to.
Normally I quite like this pub, and I was sat in a nice shaded area overlooking the main road (coming down from the Dials towards Preston Circus) once again with my Sunday readables. It is on the basis of the quality of the roast (and the price demanded for it) that I have concluded to give this place the lowest possible score - i.e. I never intend to come for a sunday roast here ever again.
There are three other pubs in my immediate area (Crescent, Palmeira and Prestonville Arms) which I believe do roasts. I already have a high opinion of the Crescent roast so will try the other two first. After I've toured this lot I shall find places further out from Seven Dials.
Verdict:
Location: Shakespeare's Head, 1 Chatham Place
Price range: £9
Drinks available: Small selection of high-quality ales (Badger brewery).
The Shakespeare's Head specialises in sausages. Alas, the cookery skills required for a good sausage meal are not the same as those for a good roast.
The selection of roasts was similar to that of the Good Companions, although instead of Turkey they offered Chicken. I ordered the beef. After a decent wait (I was not the only customer) my plate came.
Let us start with the vegetables, for that is where I started. Uncompelling, wet. The meat was much the same, and everything had steam rising from it as if (as indeed may have been the case) it had come straight out of the microwave. The potatoes were satisfactory. The whole meal would have been a lot better if had been set in a hot bath of gravy. But the only moisture was meltwater. This was little better than school dinners. I would even go so far as to compare it to Gekko, that almost incomparably bad all-purpose buffet (unless your purpose is to 'have a good meal') that since my visit in March has actually closed down.
There was also a cheese and cauliflower side and a yorkshire pudding on the side, neither of which I have anything bad to say about. However, they only seemed good in comparison to the rest of the dish, a relieving break I could occasionally turn my knife and fork to.
Normally I quite like this pub, and I was sat in a nice shaded area overlooking the main road (coming down from the Dials towards Preston Circus) once again with my Sunday readables. It is on the basis of the quality of the roast (and the price demanded for it) that I have concluded to give this place the lowest possible score - i.e. I never intend to come for a sunday roast here ever again.
There are three other pubs in my immediate area (Crescent, Palmeira and Prestonville Arms) which I believe do roasts. I already have a high opinion of the Crescent roast so will try the other two first. After I've toured this lot I shall find places further out from Seven Dials.
Verdict:
Sunday, 26 June 2011
Sunday Lunch - The Good Companions
Date: 19th June 2011
Location: The Good Companions, 132 Dyke Road
Price range: £10-£12
Drinks available: Broad selection of real ales.
The Good Companions has gone through a transformation in the last year. Gone are the pool tables, quiz machines, TV sports and balding middle-aged locals staring into their empty beer glasses. The Good Companions has been gentrified/poncified and has built up a reputation of being a food pub. It has been resettled by twenty/thirty-somethings on above average earnings and inoffensive, couth demeanours. Though not everyone enjoys this cultural colonialism, for the purposes of my Sunday Lunch project this pub is now on the radar in a way it would not have been before. Indeed as far as I remember, this time last year they did not actually do sunday lunches - the closest thing they had to food was pub pizza.
I have dined at the Good Companions many times since its refurbishment and, having found this food greatly to my taste, it seemed only natural that this should be the first place on my sunday lunch tour.
The selection of roasts was the usual - beef/pork/turkey/lamb/nut-roast (if I remember correctly). My preference is usually for beef, and this what I went for.
Beef was the most expensive of the roasts at £12. At most places I would not have paid this much for a roast, but having eaten here before I knew to expect high quality fare.
I was not disappointed. The vegetables were subtle and moist, the potatoes crispy, the beef juicy and generous and the king-size Yorkshire pudding very savoury. The meal was just about the right size too. As was the table - large enough for the Independent on Sunday anyway.
My only real objection is the price. Though I am always willing to fork out a few extra pounds for a good eating experience (there are no shortage of bad eating experiences out there for sure) it's just a touch on the pricy side. However, the quality is sufficiently good to compensate to this and indeed draw me back on future occasions (the few there will be).
Verdict:
Location: The Good Companions, 132 Dyke Road
Price range: £10-£12
Drinks available: Broad selection of real ales.
The Good Companions has gone through a transformation in the last year. Gone are the pool tables, quiz machines, TV sports and balding middle-aged locals staring into their empty beer glasses. The Good Companions has been gentrified/poncified and has built up a reputation of being a food pub. It has been resettled by twenty/thirty-somethings on above average earnings and inoffensive, couth demeanours. Though not everyone enjoys this cultural colonialism, for the purposes of my Sunday Lunch project this pub is now on the radar in a way it would not have been before. Indeed as far as I remember, this time last year they did not actually do sunday lunches - the closest thing they had to food was pub pizza.
I have dined at the Good Companions many times since its refurbishment and, having found this food greatly to my taste, it seemed only natural that this should be the first place on my sunday lunch tour.
The selection of roasts was the usual - beef/pork/turkey/lamb/nut-roast (if I remember correctly). My preference is usually for beef, and this what I went for.
Beef was the most expensive of the roasts at £12. At most places I would not have paid this much for a roast, but having eaten here before I knew to expect high quality fare.
I was not disappointed. The vegetables were subtle and moist, the potatoes crispy, the beef juicy and generous and the king-size Yorkshire pudding very savoury. The meal was just about the right size too. As was the table - large enough for the Independent on Sunday anyway.
My only real objection is the price. Though I am always willing to fork out a few extra pounds for a good eating experience (there are no shortage of bad eating experiences out there for sure) it's just a touch on the pricy side. However, the quality is sufficiently good to compensate to this and indeed draw me back on future occasions (the few there will be).
Verdict:
Sunday Lunch
Over the next 8 weeks or so (however long I'm in Brighton) I'll be trying out sunday lunches at different pubs across Brighton. I shall post brief reviews on this blog. The 'star rating' I give to each lunch/venue will be based on how likely I am to go back there in the future. This will include weighing up such factors as the quality of the food, the ambience in the pub and the price of the meal (drinks not included!).
I have already done two such lunches which I shall post very shortly.
I have already done two such lunches which I shall post very shortly.
Lost & Found
It's a funny thing - three times in the last week I have mislaid something only to find it again. First was in Yorkshire - I lost my favourite hat somewhere between Halifax and Bradford but managed to find it the next day at Halifax station. Second: Four days ago I thought I'd lost my driving license, but it turned out that I had simply not brought it out with me (having meant to). And today I found £15 in a shirt pocket (which I did not realise I had lost). When I went out this night I couldn't find the said money. When I got home I found it neatly strewn on my bed.
One thing I have lost and will not get back are 188 facebook friends. I decided to reduce my friend list from the proposterous 230 to a real, managable amount of people (42) I actually know and like and voluntarily communicate with on a regular basis, or would wish to. Some are family members who never actually use facebook but with whom there is no real need for removing. As for the others? Well, I'm more than content waiting 20 years till the school reunion. Only then will it be really fair to say who is doing what with their lives. A friend and I have a running joke that a lot of people from school aren't actually doing anything - they haven't formed any life plans and have no serious ambitions or interests other than hanging around 'being awesome'. But I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life until around six months ago and had some good luck along the way, so I shall reserve any concrete judgement for 2031.
But there is also a broader reason for my curbing my 'online friends' so. I am increasingly demanding a more subtle life for myself, one with a greater degree of self-discipline, open-mindedness and unlaboured extroversion: facebook hinders all three of these things. My keeping up of a facebook account is now for practical purposes only (I genuinly keep in contact and organize things with people from it, both local and distant). In general I would like to see the computer and the internet as tools which facilitate my to do things I need to do and want to do e.g. work activities, communications, research and (as now) writing. These are specific activities. What I do not want is for the computer itself to become an activity, a sort of default spare-time activity, the first item to consult when ennui strikes. I got rid of my TV back in the winter in a similar vein. I'm not anti-technology in the slightest, but it is up to the technology user to decide what his relationship with the technologies should be.
One thing I have lost and will not get back are 188 facebook friends. I decided to reduce my friend list from the proposterous 230 to a real, managable amount of people (42) I actually know and like and voluntarily communicate with on a regular basis, or would wish to. Some are family members who never actually use facebook but with whom there is no real need for removing. As for the others? Well, I'm more than content waiting 20 years till the school reunion. Only then will it be really fair to say who is doing what with their lives. A friend and I have a running joke that a lot of people from school aren't actually doing anything - they haven't formed any life plans and have no serious ambitions or interests other than hanging around 'being awesome'. But I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life until around six months ago and had some good luck along the way, so I shall reserve any concrete judgement for 2031.
But there is also a broader reason for my curbing my 'online friends' so. I am increasingly demanding a more subtle life for myself, one with a greater degree of self-discipline, open-mindedness and unlaboured extroversion: facebook hinders all three of these things. My keeping up of a facebook account is now for practical purposes only (I genuinly keep in contact and organize things with people from it, both local and distant). In general I would like to see the computer and the internet as tools which facilitate my to do things I need to do and want to do e.g. work activities, communications, research and (as now) writing. These are specific activities. What I do not want is for the computer itself to become an activity, a sort of default spare-time activity, the first item to consult when ennui strikes. I got rid of my TV back in the winter in a similar vein. I'm not anti-technology in the slightest, but it is up to the technology user to decide what his relationship with the technologies should be.
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Inconveniently named items that can be added to restaurant/takeaway menues for comic effect
- My Favourite
- The Usual
- What He's Having
- The Bill
- Another
etc
- The Usual
- What He's Having
- The Bill
- Another
etc
Saturday, 4 June 2011
Offer
I have one.
I actually received it on the afternoon of the 2nd, but have been busy socializing since then and have had no time to write. Ironically these socials had actually been planned before I received my offer.
I'll continue my tradition of not giving individual firm names (this is partly out of superstition I admit). But let us say only that they are a top firm and that these may be the hardest, most stimulating 3 years I have ever had.
I still have to accept the offer / pass the screening, and (again, with all superstition) refuse to plan anything elaborate until I have actually signed a training contract. Nevertheless I shall now have to pick very carefully what I do over the next months. Don't let my usual bland language fool you - there is an undercurrent of dread and excitement and immense relaxation behind every word I type today. I realize that this is a huge opportunity and that I must do whatever I can to ensure that, by the time I start, I am fully prepared.
There are a lot of practical things involved here: getting accomodation, fixing up the old car, improving my fitness, mustering a bit of living cash in advance of any salary I receive, and of course trying to get a few of the professional exams out of the way.
But I must also consider all those things which I simply won't have time to indulge in once my contract starts. Things like visiting friends in other parts of the country, getting one of my board game ideas into a publishable state, reading extensively and perhaps even the occasional poker match. The Brighton UKIPT looks like a good bet, although naturally it would have to be a side event. A Vic visit is also on the cards. I used to joke that I would one day try playing there full time for a week with a full bankroll (£4,000) for deep 1/1NL. However, I don't think this will be possible or desirable - it's pretty certain that I won't have a £4,000 roll at any point and that even if I did, I think I'd get bored of the project after the first day. More realistic is, say, an all-night session, probably near the end of my holiday (but not so near the end as to destroy my sleeping patterns pre-employment!)
Am excited but, for the time being, the practical things to do will take a slight precedence over the fun things. That said, I think that property searching (in West Hampstead or St. Albans, most likely) will be pretty enjoyable.
I actually received it on the afternoon of the 2nd, but have been busy socializing since then and have had no time to write. Ironically these socials had actually been planned before I received my offer.
I'll continue my tradition of not giving individual firm names (this is partly out of superstition I admit). But let us say only that they are a top firm and that these may be the hardest, most stimulating 3 years I have ever had.
I still have to accept the offer / pass the screening, and (again, with all superstition) refuse to plan anything elaborate until I have actually signed a training contract. Nevertheless I shall now have to pick very carefully what I do over the next months. Don't let my usual bland language fool you - there is an undercurrent of dread and excitement and immense relaxation behind every word I type today. I realize that this is a huge opportunity and that I must do whatever I can to ensure that, by the time I start, I am fully prepared.
There are a lot of practical things involved here: getting accomodation, fixing up the old car, improving my fitness, mustering a bit of living cash in advance of any salary I receive, and of course trying to get a few of the professional exams out of the way.
But I must also consider all those things which I simply won't have time to indulge in once my contract starts. Things like visiting friends in other parts of the country, getting one of my board game ideas into a publishable state, reading extensively and perhaps even the occasional poker match. The Brighton UKIPT looks like a good bet, although naturally it would have to be a side event. A Vic visit is also on the cards. I used to joke that I would one day try playing there full time for a week with a full bankroll (£4,000) for deep 1/1NL. However, I don't think this will be possible or desirable - it's pretty certain that I won't have a £4,000 roll at any point and that even if I did, I think I'd get bored of the project after the first day. More realistic is, say, an all-night session, probably near the end of my holiday (but not so near the end as to destroy my sleeping patterns pre-employment!)
Am excited but, for the time being, the practical things to do will take a slight precedence over the fun things. That said, I think that property searching (in West Hampstead or St. Albans, most likely) will be pretty enjoyable.
Monday, 23 May 2011
Not about Applications (so I'm allowed to write even if it isn't the 31st yet)
It's funny. I've noticed that whenever I read old message threads on facebook (private messages mainly, sometimes wall-to-wall) I think back to myself, "wow, in its own way what a great time that was!". I don't think this about all periods - some do stick out as intensely boring, frustrating, passive or lonely. But on the whole when I look at the words I wrote I think that, whatever else was going on, they are the words of someone who was fundamentally happy and always had something to look forward to. While I am aware that nothing has ever been perfect, it is, say, the casual Spring walks to campus in third year and the vague sense of freedom that accomponied them which form the mental backdrop as I reread my words from that time, rather than any frustrations, longings, anxieties and apathies.
But the pertinent point is that I rarely think this about the present in this rose-tinted way, as the frustations, longings, anxieties and apathies are precisely the things which, by their very nature, attack one on a day-to-day basis.
Yet I know very well that in two years time, perhaps when I am a tired, lonely trainee accountant with a couple of spare hours on a Sunday reading this blogpost again, I shall once again resort to historicizing my experiences. "Ah yes, the heavy May, the golden summer! What a time of great achievement. I set myself a difficult task and I did it. I always knew I'd be succesful in the end you know... didn't I tell everyone."
Yet in a way I have started the historicizing already. I perhaps choose to charecterize this particular period of my life (i.e. applications) as say the final hurdle to becoming a full member of society and that everything hereafter will somehow fit in to a comfortable, structured, happy narrative. But I thought exactly the same at the time of my driving test, my 3rd year exams, my A-levels, and many more personal if rather subtle examples at that. Soon 'getting a job' will be just another thing on this list, and new hurdles, such as deciding where to work post-qualification, where to live, how ambitious to be, who to marry, children etc... may also produce the 'hurdles' phenomenon.
Actually I shouldn't be too linear about this. Nor should I assume all these 'stages' have equal weight. Getting my A-Levels done was probably harder than getting my 2:1 at university. Both of these had fixed dates. But my driving test, that was a whole new ball game. Technically it was more challenging, yet there was no limit to how many times I could take it.
And in truth getting a position on a graduate training scheme is amongst the most demanding things I have done, and I have treated it with due reverence. Yet I know that even if my Wednesday interview is not succesful, some other one will be at some stage. Either way, I'm sure some sort of narrative will develop around it and I'm sure I'll end up posting it here at some stage.
But the pertinent point is that I rarely think this about the present in this rose-tinted way, as the frustations, longings, anxieties and apathies are precisely the things which, by their very nature, attack one on a day-to-day basis.
Yet I know very well that in two years time, perhaps when I am a tired, lonely trainee accountant with a couple of spare hours on a Sunday reading this blogpost again, I shall once again resort to historicizing my experiences. "Ah yes, the heavy May, the golden summer! What a time of great achievement. I set myself a difficult task and I did it. I always knew I'd be succesful in the end you know... didn't I tell everyone."
Yet in a way I have started the historicizing already. I perhaps choose to charecterize this particular period of my life (i.e. applications) as say the final hurdle to becoming a full member of society and that everything hereafter will somehow fit in to a comfortable, structured, happy narrative. But I thought exactly the same at the time of my driving test, my 3rd year exams, my A-levels, and many more personal if rather subtle examples at that. Soon 'getting a job' will be just another thing on this list, and new hurdles, such as deciding where to work post-qualification, where to live, how ambitious to be, who to marry, children etc... may also produce the 'hurdles' phenomenon.
Actually I shouldn't be too linear about this. Nor should I assume all these 'stages' have equal weight. Getting my A-Levels done was probably harder than getting my 2:1 at university. Both of these had fixed dates. But my driving test, that was a whole new ball game. Technically it was more challenging, yet there was no limit to how many times I could take it.
And in truth getting a position on a graduate training scheme is amongst the most demanding things I have done, and I have treated it with due reverence. Yet I know that even if my Wednesday interview is not succesful, some other one will be at some stage. Either way, I'm sure some sort of narrative will develop around it and I'm sure I'll end up posting it here at some stage.
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Applications
Oh no, I forgot to write yesterday! I could backdate this to make it appear as though it had been published yesterday, but that's a bit Stalinist.
I did postpone my tax exam in pretty much the day after my last post and I think my decision will be vindicated. I have freed my time up to focus solely on applications.
Had a Big Four middle-stage interview up in Crawley on Tuesday, which I feel went fairly well, but I won't guess the outcome. It's the sort of performance I might have been very proud of two months ago. But I have since learnt that 'how you felt about it' and 'whether you enjoyed it or not' sometimes bear little relation to how well you actually did - for they can only judge you by the competencies they are looking for. Naturally I hope I do get invited to the final round - any reservations I had about that firm or that office were dispelled on visit. They haven't got back to me yet but I shall pester them if I don't have a result by end Monday.
However, still more important is the final round Big Four interview at St Albans this coming Wednesday. I shall be my usual calm self I'm sure, but this is the first final round interview I've ever had and my life will be completely transformed if I get into this firm.
I also have a first-stage telephone interview with another firm - the date for that needs to be booked. Currently the only date available would clash with my St Albans interview.
(Also there's the group interview on 13 June for yet another firm, althoguh that feels too distant to be real yet.)
I have a nasty habit of fitting my life activities around familiar historical narratives. For instance, take my driving tests. Attempt 1 was akin to Labour in 1987 - never really had a realistic chance. Attempt 2 was akin to Labour in 1992 - better performance but undermined by its own triumphalisn. Attempt 3 was akin to 1997 - very cautious, but a caution fuelled by confidence; the fact that this time it might just actually happen, if only because the memory of Attempt 2 still haunted me, and that the prospect of an Attempt 4 haunts me all the more.
To some extent I have been doing this during my applications as well, although I've been interpreting it as more of a trench war than an election, because the fighting is so continous and grinding. Yet even when victory seems so close at hand I can't lay down my arms till the enemy surrenders. One might call my final interview invitation (and my qualificaiton for the Recruitment Register) akin to the Americans stepping out of neutrality, or my decision to study for the CFAB akin to introducing the tank into the battelfield.
Obviously all this is just a sort of Barnum Effect
However, I certainly have a good chance of getting this offer. If I don't, I'll keep fighting through 1919, 1920... but I feel the end is in sight. If it isn't I'll have to disappoint a lot of people (not least myself), as from the very beginning I anticipated that June/July/August would be three months of bliss, the last days of an earned freedom. And if this Wednesday interview is unsuccesful I think there's still a good chance of getting an offer in June (the three other applications I have in progress are unlikely to take more than the month to resolve).
However I am comforted as always by the fact that whenever I have worked hard for soemthing in the past I have achieved it. Moreover, 'fate' does not care that it is me who is taking the interview. In a sense, nor does my prospective employer. What might seem like a momentous occasion for me is for them just another recruitment decision and none of the subtle 'destinies' I have imagined for myself, positive or negative, come into play at all. If I meet their relevant competencies and the interviewer thinks I'm the sort of person he/they could work with, I get the job. If not, I don't. Fundamentally it's little more than that, and overcomplicating the situation with fretting, analysis, last-minute worrying etc is the surefire way to fail as one loses sight of the bigger picture
In other news, finished American Notes. I've read three Dickens books now (Christmas Carol, Great Expecatations being the other two) and I must say I haven't been able to enjoy his style. I shall remain open-minded though and read another at some point
Also last night I watched The Wave, a 2008 German film about a school social experiment with 'autocracy' that goes horribly wrong. I enjoyed the film but it was pretty unconvincing. The main thrust of the film was that even if a society believes it has gone beyond the 'stage' in which people are susceptible to totalitarianism, the whole thing is packed into one week at a school. One week! And the ending? I won't go into any more detail in case you want to watch it, but I must say I am not able to enjoy unconvincing plots, which on the one hand claim to be examining something critical to human nature but on the other hand use decidedly unnatural and exaggerated interpretations of human nature in order to do it.
It was my birthday on Friday. 22 has been a great year - I finally feel that I'm taking my life seriously and actively getting the things I want to do done rather than just sitting back and waiting. However 23 passed with no major celebration. I met my friends on the Thursday and was going to have a family celebration on Saturday, but given my upcoming interview I thought it best to postpone any celebration to a date when I have something worth celebrating.
And you shall know on the 31st whether I have.
Or the 1st, if I post a day late again
Or before the 31st, if I am in regular correspondence with you. In that case I shall rpobably let you know immediately. Save twenty minutes or so in which I vow not to tell a single soul the result. I shall enjoy or commiserate by myself for those minutes.
I did postpone my tax exam in pretty much the day after my last post and I think my decision will be vindicated. I have freed my time up to focus solely on applications.
Had a Big Four middle-stage interview up in Crawley on Tuesday, which I feel went fairly well, but I won't guess the outcome. It's the sort of performance I might have been very proud of two months ago. But I have since learnt that 'how you felt about it' and 'whether you enjoyed it or not' sometimes bear little relation to how well you actually did - for they can only judge you by the competencies they are looking for. Naturally I hope I do get invited to the final round - any reservations I had about that firm or that office were dispelled on visit. They haven't got back to me yet but I shall pester them if I don't have a result by end Monday.
However, still more important is the final round Big Four interview at St Albans this coming Wednesday. I shall be my usual calm self I'm sure, but this is the first final round interview I've ever had and my life will be completely transformed if I get into this firm.
I also have a first-stage telephone interview with another firm - the date for that needs to be booked. Currently the only date available would clash with my St Albans interview.
(Also there's the group interview on 13 June for yet another firm, althoguh that feels too distant to be real yet.)
I have a nasty habit of fitting my life activities around familiar historical narratives. For instance, take my driving tests. Attempt 1 was akin to Labour in 1987 - never really had a realistic chance. Attempt 2 was akin to Labour in 1992 - better performance but undermined by its own triumphalisn. Attempt 3 was akin to 1997 - very cautious, but a caution fuelled by confidence; the fact that this time it might just actually happen, if only because the memory of Attempt 2 still haunted me, and that the prospect of an Attempt 4 haunts me all the more.
To some extent I have been doing this during my applications as well, although I've been interpreting it as more of a trench war than an election, because the fighting is so continous and grinding. Yet even when victory seems so close at hand I can't lay down my arms till the enemy surrenders. One might call my final interview invitation (and my qualificaiton for the Recruitment Register) akin to the Americans stepping out of neutrality, or my decision to study for the CFAB akin to introducing the tank into the battelfield.
Obviously all this is just a sort of Barnum Effect
However, I certainly have a good chance of getting this offer. If I don't, I'll keep fighting through 1919, 1920... but I feel the end is in sight. If it isn't I'll have to disappoint a lot of people (not least myself), as from the very beginning I anticipated that June/July/August would be three months of bliss, the last days of an earned freedom. And if this Wednesday interview is unsuccesful I think there's still a good chance of getting an offer in June (the three other applications I have in progress are unlikely to take more than the month to resolve).
However I am comforted as always by the fact that whenever I have worked hard for soemthing in the past I have achieved it. Moreover, 'fate' does not care that it is me who is taking the interview. In a sense, nor does my prospective employer. What might seem like a momentous occasion for me is for them just another recruitment decision and none of the subtle 'destinies' I have imagined for myself, positive or negative, come into play at all. If I meet their relevant competencies and the interviewer thinks I'm the sort of person he/they could work with, I get the job. If not, I don't. Fundamentally it's little more than that, and overcomplicating the situation with fretting, analysis, last-minute worrying etc is the surefire way to fail as one loses sight of the bigger picture
In other news, finished American Notes. I've read three Dickens books now (Christmas Carol, Great Expecatations being the other two) and I must say I haven't been able to enjoy his style. I shall remain open-minded though and read another at some point
Also last night I watched The Wave, a 2008 German film about a school social experiment with 'autocracy' that goes horribly wrong. I enjoyed the film but it was pretty unconvincing. The main thrust of the film was that even if a society believes it has gone beyond the 'stage' in which people are susceptible to totalitarianism, the whole thing is packed into one week at a school. One week! And the ending? I won't go into any more detail in case you want to watch it, but I must say I am not able to enjoy unconvincing plots, which on the one hand claim to be examining something critical to human nature but on the other hand use decidedly unnatural and exaggerated interpretations of human nature in order to do it.
It was my birthday on Friday. 22 has been a great year - I finally feel that I'm taking my life seriously and actively getting the things I want to do done rather than just sitting back and waiting. However 23 passed with no major celebration. I met my friends on the Thursday and was going to have a family celebration on Saturday, but given my upcoming interview I thought it best to postpone any celebration to a date when I have something worth celebrating.
And you shall know on the 31st whether I have.
Or the 1st, if I post a day late again
Or before the 31st, if I am in regular correspondence with you. In that case I shall rpobably let you know immediately. Save twenty minutes or so in which I vow not to tell a single soul the result. I shall enjoy or commiserate by myself for those minutes.
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Applications
Rather arbitrarily I've decided to post this month only on the 1st, 11th, 21st and 31rd.
Although it's guaranteed that these three posts will be quite different.
I had an assessment centre on the 4th at a medium-sized London-based firm. My 3-minute presentaiton was considered 'too essaylike'. Which it was, but it was never clear what they wanted. Can't complain about the result though - complaining never gets anywhere. It just emphasises the fact that a lot of firms are looking for something quite specific in their future employees and that, given how many applications there are for each place, they can often afford to eliminate candidates at a fast pace and for reasons which, in any other sphere, might seem minor.
However, I now have four important events coming up.
On the 17th I have a Big Four first-stage interview (at Crawley)
On the 20th I have my Principles of Taxation Module
On the 25th I have my Final Interview (at another Big Four firm)
On the 13th June I have an assessment centre for another mid-tier London firm
The only date which is flexible is the 20th. I have to consider this very carefully. It's one of those exams where a fail actually counts against you in the long run as there are limited retake opportunities and failures have to be declared, so I'd have to be pretty certain of passing to make it worth taking. I did some self-testing today on one of the early chapters and while my 14/22 is in pass territory (55% is the pass mark), it's a little close for my liking. Time hasn't been an issue, but accuracy has. From this I can infer that I can afford to (and indeed need to) spend more time on my workings. The trouble with Tax is that there are lots of different rules and structures, and while many of these may only change the answer by 1% either way, the answer demands 0% either way.
I'll make my decision on this over the next few days. I don't doubt that it's possible to pass this exam on the 20th. But getting to 'test standard' may take extra, previously underestimated numbers of hours, and the interview preperation is more important. Indeed the main motivation behind sitting this exam on this date was so that I could 'boast a pass' come by big interview on the 25th. But if this comes at the cost of other elements of preperation then I may as well not have taken the paper at all.
I'm still frightfully optimistic about my eventual chances of getting a training contract though. Indeed my focus has long since gone from 'whether' to 'when'. Ideally I pass the 25th May interview, get an offer and fierecely enjoy the summer. This would be the dream situation but I have to keep planing as if I don't get to dream... I have to stay awake... for a month longer... maybe two. Note, though I am speaking in these analogies I have not used the term 'nightmare'. The only conceivable nightmare applicationswise is that I essentially voluntarily fail the 20th May exam!
Did feel rather tired today though and didn't manage to start working till 9. Early starts definitely favour me - yesterday I was at the books at 6.30am.
I have been at other books though. I strarted reading Charles DIckens' American Notes. On the one hand I fear it might be a little like Alistair Cooke's American Journey one century later i.e. lots of descriptions of things and institutions but not a lot about charecters and mentalities.
However I did come across one of the most interesting passages I think I have ever read:
[The context is this - Dickens is recalling a report published by Dr Howe regarding the mental development of Laura Bridgman, a blind deaf-mute child who had recently been taught to communicate using a finger language.]
"It is very remarkable, that as we dream in words, and carry on imaginary conversations, in which we speak both for ourselves and for the shadows who appear to us in those visions of the night, so she, having no words, uses her finger alphabet in her sleep. And it has been ascertained that when her slumber is broken, and is much disturbed by dreams, she expresses her thoughts in an irregular and confused manner on her fingers: just as we should murmur and mutter them indistinctly, in the like circumstances."
I've just realised that if I am to reschedule this exam I should probably still take it in May, as I believe on my Recruitment Register application I have said 'taking first exam in May'. Well, there's a big gap between the 20th and 31st.
And there's almost as big a gap between the 11th and the 21st, but that's how long you shall have to wait for my next post.
Although it's guaranteed that these three posts will be quite different.
I had an assessment centre on the 4th at a medium-sized London-based firm. My 3-minute presentaiton was considered 'too essaylike'. Which it was, but it was never clear what they wanted. Can't complain about the result though - complaining never gets anywhere. It just emphasises the fact that a lot of firms are looking for something quite specific in their future employees and that, given how many applications there are for each place, they can often afford to eliminate candidates at a fast pace and for reasons which, in any other sphere, might seem minor.
However, I now have four important events coming up.
On the 17th I have a Big Four first-stage interview (at Crawley)
On the 20th I have my Principles of Taxation Module
On the 25th I have my Final Interview (at another Big Four firm)
On the 13th June I have an assessment centre for another mid-tier London firm
The only date which is flexible is the 20th. I have to consider this very carefully. It's one of those exams where a fail actually counts against you in the long run as there are limited retake opportunities and failures have to be declared, so I'd have to be pretty certain of passing to make it worth taking. I did some self-testing today on one of the early chapters and while my 14/22 is in pass territory (55% is the pass mark), it's a little close for my liking. Time hasn't been an issue, but accuracy has. From this I can infer that I can afford to (and indeed need to) spend more time on my workings. The trouble with Tax is that there are lots of different rules and structures, and while many of these may only change the answer by 1% either way, the answer demands 0% either way.
I'll make my decision on this over the next few days. I don't doubt that it's possible to pass this exam on the 20th. But getting to 'test standard' may take extra, previously underestimated numbers of hours, and the interview preperation is more important. Indeed the main motivation behind sitting this exam on this date was so that I could 'boast a pass' come by big interview on the 25th. But if this comes at the cost of other elements of preperation then I may as well not have taken the paper at all.
I'm still frightfully optimistic about my eventual chances of getting a training contract though. Indeed my focus has long since gone from 'whether' to 'when'. Ideally I pass the 25th May interview, get an offer and fierecely enjoy the summer. This would be the dream situation but I have to keep planing as if I don't get to dream... I have to stay awake... for a month longer... maybe two. Note, though I am speaking in these analogies I have not used the term 'nightmare'. The only conceivable nightmare applicationswise is that I essentially voluntarily fail the 20th May exam!
Did feel rather tired today though and didn't manage to start working till 9. Early starts definitely favour me - yesterday I was at the books at 6.30am.
I have been at other books though. I strarted reading Charles DIckens' American Notes. On the one hand I fear it might be a little like Alistair Cooke's American Journey one century later i.e. lots of descriptions of things and institutions but not a lot about charecters and mentalities.
However I did come across one of the most interesting passages I think I have ever read:
[The context is this - Dickens is recalling a report published by Dr Howe regarding the mental development of Laura Bridgman, a blind deaf-mute child who had recently been taught to communicate using a finger language.]
"It is very remarkable, that as we dream in words, and carry on imaginary conversations, in which we speak both for ourselves and for the shadows who appear to us in those visions of the night, so she, having no words, uses her finger alphabet in her sleep. And it has been ascertained that when her slumber is broken, and is much disturbed by dreams, she expresses her thoughts in an irregular and confused manner on her fingers: just as we should murmur and mutter them indistinctly, in the like circumstances."
I've just realised that if I am to reschedule this exam I should probably still take it in May, as I believe on my Recruitment Register application I have said 'taking first exam in May'. Well, there's a big gap between the 20th and 31st.
And there's almost as big a gap between the 11th and the 21st, but that's how long you shall have to wait for my next post.
Sunday, 1 May 2011
May!
It's May!
May has been consistently the most interesting month for me as far back as I remember.
Let it be so again!
(Let us see if I am so excited in thirty days time when I emerge, tattered and wartorn as if I had just fell out of a maze of turning cogs)
May has been consistently the most interesting month for me as far back as I remember.
Let it be so again!
(Let us see if I am so excited in thirty days time when I emerge, tattered and wartorn as if I had just fell out of a maze of turning cogs)
Saturday, 30 April 2011
I do find small things amusing (that's not what she said!) because even in the most mundane item there has been an awful lot of concious decision.
For instance, this morning I was surprised to find a 2l bottle of diet lemonade in the fridge.
I began to think about the life story of said bottle, and how many concious decisions went in to getting it where it was today.
From most recent to most histroic
- somebody decided to put it in the fridge rather than store it at room temperature
- somebody decided to buy diet rather than regular lemonade
- somebody decided to go shopping
- somebody decided that they should sell this particular brand of diet lemonade in store
- somedody decided the price should be set at 79p
- somebody decided that they should manufacture this particular brand of diet lemonade
- somebody decided that one of the sizes of bottles should be 2 litres
- somebody decided that lemons mixed with carbonated water makes a refreshing drink
- somebody decided that plastic containers can be forged to hold liquids
And soon we shall be able to add to this list:
- somebody decided to drink it
For instance, this morning I was surprised to find a 2l bottle of diet lemonade in the fridge.
I began to think about the life story of said bottle, and how many concious decisions went in to getting it where it was today.
From most recent to most histroic
- somebody decided to put it in the fridge rather than store it at room temperature
- somebody decided to buy diet rather than regular lemonade
- somebody decided to go shopping
- somebody decided that they should sell this particular brand of diet lemonade in store
- somedody decided the price should be set at 79p
- somebody decided that they should manufacture this particular brand of diet lemonade
- somebody decided that one of the sizes of bottles should be 2 litres
- somebody decided that lemons mixed with carbonated water makes a refreshing drink
- somebody decided that plastic containers can be forged to hold liquids
And soon we shall be able to add to this list:
- somebody decided to drink it
Friday, 29 April 2011
Books Read Feb - April 2011
Kavanagh & Cowley - The British General Election of 2010 (2010)
J. Bronowski - The Ascent of Man (1973)
Stanislaw Lem - The Cyberiad (1967)
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - Crime and Punishment (1865-6)
Aldous Huxley - Brave New World (1932)
Franz Kafka - Metamorphosis and Other Stories (to 1924)
Tom Perrotta - Election (1998)
April hasn't exactly ended yet but I'm not going to be finishing any other books over the next 30 hours, so am posting now.
Have been reading relitavely little owing to the fact that I have been focusing most of my intellectual energy on applications, interview preperation, financial reading and (as of ten days ago) studying for the professional exams and I can only take in so many words per day. Fortunately the situation seems set to change and I shall once again have the time and energy to properly engross myself in leisure reading.
My enthusiasm for reading hasn't diminished, though parts of it have transferred to other topics for the time being. Business becomes rather amusing when you appreciate that it is, ultimately, a study of human interaction, and that even the most obscure figures and subtle percentage points changes are nevertheless aggregates of real and essentially logical individual human activities, and that government legislation does make a difference.
That said, I still generally find the imaginary worlds of Lem more absorbing. Having read some Kafka recently I can see their is some weight to the interpretation of Lem as essentially being 'Kafka with a sense of humour'. I've mentioned this before, but I am surpirsed when people see 'comic' writing as somehow being juvenile, picking out easy truths and ironies and lacking any 'real understanding'. For me, humour is understanding. A joke is shared because two people (or in this case the author and the reader) as both understand the situation already - they don't need to labour on it, as it's all blindlingly obvious to them. To 'get' a joke is to 'get' the situation! That said, there's a big difference between, say, satire and wordplay, whether printed or in conversation.
Having almost exhausted the Lem works we have in the house I think I shall study Borges. I've found his work too ethereal in the past, but tastes change and I shalln't base my opinion on just one book (Book of Sand) anyway.
J. Bronowski - The Ascent of Man (1973)
Stanislaw Lem - The Cyberiad (1967)
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - Crime and Punishment (1865-6)
Aldous Huxley - Brave New World (1932)
Franz Kafka - Metamorphosis and Other Stories (to 1924)
Tom Perrotta - Election (1998)
April hasn't exactly ended yet but I'm not going to be finishing any other books over the next 30 hours, so am posting now.
Have been reading relitavely little owing to the fact that I have been focusing most of my intellectual energy on applications, interview preperation, financial reading and (as of ten days ago) studying for the professional exams and I can only take in so many words per day. Fortunately the situation seems set to change and I shall once again have the time and energy to properly engross myself in leisure reading.
My enthusiasm for reading hasn't diminished, though parts of it have transferred to other topics for the time being. Business becomes rather amusing when you appreciate that it is, ultimately, a study of human interaction, and that even the most obscure figures and subtle percentage points changes are nevertheless aggregates of real and essentially logical individual human activities, and that government legislation does make a difference.
That said, I still generally find the imaginary worlds of Lem more absorbing. Having read some Kafka recently I can see their is some weight to the interpretation of Lem as essentially being 'Kafka with a sense of humour'. I've mentioned this before, but I am surpirsed when people see 'comic' writing as somehow being juvenile, picking out easy truths and ironies and lacking any 'real understanding'. For me, humour is understanding. A joke is shared because two people (or in this case the author and the reader) as both understand the situation already - they don't need to labour on it, as it's all blindlingly obvious to them. To 'get' a joke is to 'get' the situation! That said, there's a big difference between, say, satire and wordplay, whether printed or in conversation.
Having almost exhausted the Lem works we have in the house I think I shall study Borges. I've found his work too ethereal in the past, but tastes change and I shalln't base my opinion on just one book (Book of Sand) anyway.
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Applications
Major news.
It isn't an offer. When I do get an offer I shall find a better post title than 'Applications'.
(Or I might not post at all.)
However, I can confirm that following my Tuesday assessment centre I have been invited to the final interview stage of a Big Four firm.
The interview isn't till the end of May.
I still have another assessment centre coming up next week (for a smaller, London-based firm) and so at least I've got something to shoot for in the meantime.
But I can't overexaggerate what a singularly good peice of news this is. Two and a half months ago I was stuck on the seabed. Now I can feel the sun rays through the water surface.
Better yet, if this application proves unsuccessful I can still put my name forward to a special recruitment register for vacancies of this sort. Which may not sound like much, but basically being on a list of 'tripped up but only at the last hurdle' candidates means that the firms, looking out for new recruits, already have a list of candidates who have gone through and passed the hoops of application forms, online tests, competency interviews, assessment centres... and that is a good place to be.
I feel no reason to guard myself from optimism. This is going to happen.
It isn't an offer. When I do get an offer I shall find a better post title than 'Applications'.
(Or I might not post at all.)
However, I can confirm that following my Tuesday assessment centre I have been invited to the final interview stage of a Big Four firm.
The interview isn't till the end of May.
I still have another assessment centre coming up next week (for a smaller, London-based firm) and so at least I've got something to shoot for in the meantime.
But I can't overexaggerate what a singularly good peice of news this is. Two and a half months ago I was stuck on the seabed. Now I can feel the sun rays through the water surface.
Better yet, if this application proves unsuccessful I can still put my name forward to a special recruitment register for vacancies of this sort. Which may not sound like much, but basically being on a list of 'tripped up but only at the last hurdle' candidates means that the firms, looking out for new recruits, already have a list of candidates who have gone through and passed the hoops of application forms, online tests, competency interviews, assessment centres... and that is a good place to be.
I feel no reason to guard myself from optimism. This is going to happen.
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